


Lesser Man

by KittChaos



Category: Final Fantasy VI
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-03
Updated: 2010-09-03
Packaged: 2017-10-11 10:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittChaos/pseuds/KittChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil's best friend became his most troubling and puzzling foe during FFIV. That both heroes were attracted to Rosa is only part of the reason why Kain betrayed Cecil. Gen-fic. No pairing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lesser Man

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer – Everything Final Fantasy belongs, as it always has, to the highly imaginative and skillful team known at various times as Squaresoft, Square, and Square-Enix. This story shows my appreciation for the awesomely real characters and amazing world they created in Final Fantasy IV. I have to also mention my awe for both the music score, created by Nobuo Uematsu, and the character designs and illustrations created by Yoshitaka Amano. Their contributions serve to enrich the many hours of enjoyment I have already have, and will no doubt have in the future, playing and replaying this game.

# 

**Lesser Man**

  


### 

A Final Fantasy IV fan fiction

He watched his friend. The Dark Knight leaned upon his hands on the balustrade overlooking the air field. Even through his dark armor, Cecil's posture mutely, though eloquently, spoke of his defeated spirit. Kain was glad that it had been Cecil who had to fulfill the king's command to secure the Water Crystal of Mysidia – by any means necessary – instead of him. Cecil hadn't spoken to him about it, but Kain had heard from some of the troops that blood had been shed – innocent blood.

By the time he'd heard of it, Cecil had already been summoned before the king. Kain would have warned his friend about the king's chancy mood if there had been time, but there hadn't. Kain entered the throne room just as Cecil asked what he considered a reasonable question. The king, in years past, would have understood the intent behind the question – Cecil asked for answers, but what he really wanted was some reassurance that what he had done, in the name of, and at the behest of, his beloved king was truly necessary. Cecil had learned the fearsome skills of a Dark Knight, accepting both the onus of the dark power and the wary and fearful gazes of most people – because the king had commanded it. In return, he had been made Lord Captain of the Red Wings, Baron's most elite fighting force. Cecil accepted that position thinking it was to protect Baron from outside invaders – not become an invader himself.

Kain wasn't too surprised when the king had berated Cecil for questioning his mission, but he was taken aback when the king had stripped him of his command of the Red Wings. Even as his heart began to whisper that Cecil's misfortune might be to his benefit, Kain had stepped forward out of loyalty to his friend. It only served to bring the king's unfavorable gaze to rest upon him as well, yet there was something about Cecil, about how earnest and troubled he was, that Kain found he couldn't blame his friend. He wasn't unhappy that he had been commanded to accompany Cecil to the Village of Mist and conquer the beast that lived nearby. His preparations for their departure in the morning complete, he had come to the battlements hoping to catch a glimpse of Rosa. He did, but her attention was only on the discouraged Cecil.

He admitted that Cecil was more than worthy of Rosa's unwavering attention. He _should_ be happy that his friend had such a giving and loyal woman in his life – one who could see past the dark skills to the bright soul underneath. Only a lesser man would begrudge them the bonds of love that brought them together.

Crystals forgive him – he _was_ that lesser man. Something dark and poisonous coiled around his heart as he watched Rosa approach the Dark Knight to offer him comfort at his disgrace. Instead of being repelled by his dark nature, the White Mage had been attracted to him. Now, Cecil was in the king's disfavor, stripped of his command of the Red Wings, and Kain had held a brightening hope that Rosa might finally cast her gaze his way with a favorable eye. He was the head of the Royal Dragoons. His father had been the best dragoon in the land, and Kain was following in those heroic footsteps. He didn't even have to taint his soul with the skills of a dark knight as Cecil had to in order to earn his position – or the king's regard. He knew he wasn't unpleasant to look at – so Rosa's continued fascination and loyalty to Cecil was... was...

It was more than he could bear. In that instant, Kain started to hate his best friend, Cecil. The dragon of envy had snared its prey, weakening the stalwart warrior in ways he could not imagine – and that were yet to be revealed to the shock and misery of all.

That something blacker than any darkness he had ever imagined had exploited his hatred to take control of his mind and actions, was merely a sign of his weakness. It showed him, and everyone, what a flawed man he was. He wasn't worthy to return to Baron in triumph with everyone else after Zeromus' defeat and the salvation of their world – not while this weakness still ruled his heart.

* * *

A hand, strong, yet with gracefully tapering fingers, reached out to touch where he clasped both of his hands tightly together on the table as Kain finished his brutally truthful, painful confession.

"No one blames you. Rosa doesn't – I don't."

"I blame me!" Kain looked up – a mistake, as far as he was concerned because he was trapped by Cecil's gaze. Many things about his friend had changed, radically, in recent times, but the expression on the Paladin's face, and the steadfast regard in his eyes had remained the same. Oh, it was much easier to see now that his dark knight helmet no longer obscured it, but becoming the Paladin hadn't given this expression to Cecil. He had always possessed it – along with his gentle heart. "Don't look at me like that," Kain growled.

"Like what?" Cecil asked, genuinely confused.

"Like I'm your friend. Like I'm anybody you should care about."

Now a touch of steel entered Cecil's blue eyes and they narrowed. "You're just going to have to bear it. You are my friend and nothing that has happened has changed that."

"I hated you!" Kain cried out. "Even I don't know for sure if I was ensorcelled by Golbez, or working for him merely because he was against you and I – and I wanted Rosa. I recall everything that I did – everything that I said. I had my own will, Cecil, and I – I took that Crystal, I didn't protest when Golbez took Rosa because I – I thought, if she were away from you, and near me, perhaps she would – she would come to love me..."

Cecil squeezed Kain's hands again. "She does love you..."

"Not the way I want. Not the way I _still_ want. I know she is yours, and part of me is happy for her, and for you, but there's still this – this darkness within me, that wants her for myself. Even against her will, perhaps." Kain looked up to see how his admission was received by his friend.

The blue fire that sparked in Cecil's gaze reminded Kain that despite his gentle nature, Cecil was a warrior. He had once embraced his own darkness and his transformation into a paladin hadn't erased the darkness from within his soul. It had merely given him the light to confront and combat it. "I trust you know better than to ever act on that impulse."

"Why do you think I won't return to Baron?" Kain replied. He laughed mirthlessly. "The way I am now," He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not worthy to be there. To be near her, or stand by your side. I was, and still am – the lesser man, and that's why I have no right to attend your coronation, and no right to stand by your side as your friend."

Cecil's customary warmth washed back into his eyes. "I understand, my friend. But, you willingness to exile yourself shows that you are more than worthy. You recognize the impulse within you, and you fight against it. That is all that is required to earn my trust. My friendship you never lost."

"I don't deserve your friendship. I don't understand how you can forgive me for what I did, much less what I fear I am still capable of doing."

"But, I do forgive you."

"Yeah, dammit." Kain gifted his friend with a sour, halfhearted glare for a moment. It would be much easier for him to wallow in his angst if Cecil wasn't so damned understanding. "I can't forgive myself – not yet. I must atone, first. It's intolerable for you to best me in anything." Kain shot a teasing side-long look his friend's way. "Equal me – okay, but not best. I have to train in – kindness, and forgiveness first, and restrain and overcome the darkness in my soul – as you did – before I can accept your forgiveness."

Cecil regarded him for a long moment before standing. He paced a few steps out of the tent toward the structure on the top of the summit, the one he called the Sanctuary of Light. Though there was no way to enter the mystic building, Kain had decided to set up his camp at the base, until he had trained himself enough to sublimate beyond his own weakness. Something about the building's very presence brought his troubled soul a touch of peace. Cecil gazed at the Sanctuary now. Kain wondered what his friend's thoughts were.

"You've nothing to fear, my friend. The light you seek is already shining within you." Cecil turned and smiled at him. "I can sense it. It's just one of the gifts granted to me by my father." He nodded toward the Sanctuary. "I would stay by your side, Kain..."

Kain interrupted him. "No. This is a trial I must face – alone."

"I knew you would say that. Not alone. By yourself, perhaps. But never alone," Cecil countered.

Kain took a moment to simply feel the warmth washing through his soul. Cecil was, and had always been, a good friend – his best friend. As much as Kain wished otherwise, he had to admit that Rosa's heart had chosen wisely in settling on Cecil. But, acknowledging the bitterness, admitting to it openly, and resolving to somehow overcome it, and realizing that he still had Cecil's friendship gave him hope that someday he would find he was strong enough to embrace the sacrifice of watching the two of them together, and not be eaten up inside by envy. That his feelings toward Cecil weren't completely consumed by his jealousy – that his friendship with Cecil still mattered to him, and evidently to the Paladin as well, made him think, for the first time, that he might find he was strong enough to do that. Someday.

Still, despite their many years of friendship, and this new openness between them, and Kain's brightening hope that perhaps he would find a way to conquer his own inward darkness, he wasn't comfortable talking about it. Or at least, he wasn't as comfortable about it as his friend seemed to be.

"When I find this 'mythical light' – will I be able to say the cheesiest things and get away with it – the way you do?" Kain tried, and failed, to hide his teasing grin from his friend.

Cecil, of course, didn't even try to conceal his answering grin. "Dunno, depends upon your sincerity, I suppose." The smile faded from his face, but remained shining in his eyes. The effect gave Cecil an amazingly warm gravity that Kain suspected would serve the young, new king of Baron very well during his reign. That Cecil didn't even recognize the effect it had, and therefore wasn't using it in any sort of calculating way, made it even more irresistible and impossible to ignore. "Though you must find your own way through the coils that destiny has tangled you up in, consider that a truly lesser man would not face the harsh truths as you have – or think to confront and conquer them. You are a far greater man than you give yourself credit for, Kain, and I am, and have always been, grateful and humbled to be your friend."

Kain shook his head, a protest forming deep within him at Cecil's words, but the look on his friend's face stopped that protest cold. "I will be waiting, joyfully, for the day you recognize this greatness within you and return to us."

Kain let a very long moment pass. Cecil was one in a million. Kain was relieved that what had happened, what he had done, both to threaten their world, and Rosa – and more recently, running away from Baron and the celebrations of Cecil's assumption of the throne, and the fairy-tale wedding between the dark knight turned paladin turned king and the woman who had steadfastly been at his side through it all hadn't destroyed his friendship. He was grateful that Cecil trusted him enough to welcome him home. He was humbled that Cecil willingly gave him the space he needed to find his own way – instead of commanding his return, which was now his right, as the king of Baron.

Of course, none of that was easy to express. Not for him. He wasn't a paladin, able to toss off the mushiest stuff about forgiveness, and light, and destiny, and get away with it. Yeah, Cecil was going to be a great king. He just had that proper concerned and serious air about him.

"Man, have I got you fooled!"

"Pardon?"

"Greatness? Me? Well, I suppose it is hard to hide a talent as formidable and natural as mine... But, modesty is a virtue, is it not? When I am soaring above the battle, setting up the perfect decent vector to take out the strongest foe in one, irresistible hit, Crystals know it's hard to be modest – though I do appreciate the minor attacks you get in before my attack, to weaken the foe. Though, they aren't needed..."

"Kain?" Cecil's most mild tone alerted Kain to the fact that he had closed his eyes while imagining the scene.

_Uh-oh._

"'Minor attacks'? I believe, boastful dragoon, you need to prove your words, with your blade!" Cecil smiled grimly over the naked edge of his Mythgraven sword, which he had silently drawn and now held at the ready at shoulder height before him.

Kain smiled wolfishly. He hadn't had a chance to spar with Cecil since Cecil had assumed the mantle and power of the Paladin. Their sparring sessions before had been constrained, as Cecil refused to use his Darkness attack against his friend. "Perhaps your skills are somewhat more impressive than they were before," Kain drawled. Cecil raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. Their insulting and teasing banter brought both of them to recall the happier times, when the king of Baron, who had a hand in raising both of them, watched over their sessions with an indulgent eye. That is, before Golbez had their king, who was more of a foster father to them both, killed.

Kain knew that Cecil wouldn't attack him until he had armed himself. Even when Cecil was the Dark Knight, and such an action was expected of him, he had disdained such cowardly attacks. Still, Kain wanted to prove to his friend that his skills had improved, too.

A quick spring, an unerring snag, and a return spring, without resting for even a scant second upon the ground near where his spear rested against a wall of his tent dozens of feet away armed Kain in the literal blink of an eye. Kain smirked at Cecil's confused expression.

"Shall we, then, Cecil?"

"Let's."

The fight was most illuminating. Each smiled grimly, enjoying the clash of skills against the other, showing off, pushing each other, but not seriously trying to hurt the other. Cecil's attacks, unencumbered by the heavier armor he'd worn as the Dark Knight, were faster and more accurate than they'd ever been. They were lighter, too, as the Mythgraven blade was not as solid as the cursed dark blades he had wielded before. Kain and Cecil had cross-trained their skills during their childhood. It was not until the king had commanded Cecil to learn the dark blade arts that their fighting styles had taken such different paths.

"I bet you could – learn to be – handy enough – with a lance," Kain grunted in admiration.

"There is merit – in the thought," Cecil's reply showed the effort it took to dodge Kain's attacks. "I've not trained – in aerial combat..."

"Your style is – light enough now – that you could."

It was not until that moment that Kain realized that there had been no darkness in the fight. His nightmares, since the return from the Second Moon, had mostly been of fighting his friend to the death. No, they had been of the darkness welling up in him as it had before, under Golbez's control, and placing Kain under the Dark Sorcerer's command once again – and that command had been to slay Cecil. While he stilled longed for Rosa's attention, he feared to remain near Cecil, uncertain he would be able to stop himself if such a possession occurred. For some reason, sparring with Cecil had been the first time he had more than a momentary relief from the fear of the darkness taking him over, again.

"My lord!"

Something bright and lightning-fast flashed toward him. He had no time to do more than realize that someone else, not Cecil, was present before Cecil, in a flash faster than lightning, threw himself between them, and groaned in pain. Only then did Kain realize that Cecil had taken the attack aimed at him, catching the magical arrow in his own shoulder.

Kain's spear clattered to the ground as he reached out with both hands to steady the staggering paladin. "Cover? When did you use that skill to protect me?"

Cecil smiled around his pain. "While you were boasting – before I challenged you. There's no way to cast Cover on myself, and I thought, if perhaps one of my attacks went wrong, it might be possible to use it to protect you and prevent any of my attacks from mistakenly harming you." He straightened his spine and glared at the guardsmen approaching with drawn weapons. "Stand down! My_ friend–" _He emphasized the word. "–and I were sparring, not fighting. Who shot the arrow?"

"I–I did, my lord." A young man, barely more than a boy, stepped forward without hesitation. "I didn't think..."

"I noticed." Cecil turned his head to look pointedly at the arrow piercing his shoulder. "Go. Sit on the rock on the other side of the bridge while I decide what to do with you." Cecil turned to face the rest of the force as the guardsman did as commanded. "Captain, why did you and your men ascend Mount Ordeals? I directed you to stay at the base."

"We heard the sounds of battle, my lord, and were worried."

Cecil locked his eyes on Kain's and smiled a bit sadly. "Already, I fear I may regret accepting the position of king," he admitted in a low voice, for Kain's ears only. "And you presumed I needed help?" he said more loudly. Only then did the captain realize the insult their presence would offer to their king.

Kain spared a moment to feel pity for his friend. He knew he never wanted the throne, _that_ he was more than willing to let Cecil have. "See the effect of your 'help' on your king," Kain added. "You ready?" Kain and Cecil were old hands at battlefield injuries. Cecil nodded. Kain grasped the arrow in his left fist, right where it entered Cecil's shoulder, and tugged it out firmly. Cecil groaned as the eldritch metal pulled through his skin and muscle, before focusing his curing spell in his right hand and grasping his wounded shoulder.

"As you can see, Captain, I have not lost or forgotten my combat skills. Now, leave the stripling where he is, take the rest of your men back to the base of the mountain, and wait for me, there." Cecil's command was in a flat, no-nonsense tone of voice. The guards left, offering no protest.

"Handy skill, being able to heal yourself," Kain noted. "Do you miss it?"

"Miss what?" Cecil was taken aback by the non sequitur.

"Darkness – and your other darker skills."

Cecil regarded Kain for a very long moment. "Sometimes. I trained so hard to learn them, and master them so that they would not master me." He gazed down at his own hands, and the significantly lighter and more brightly colored gauntlets that protected his arms than the black and heavy armor he'd worn for so long he feared his light had been lost forever in its darkened confines. "These skills sit closer to my heart, but the darkness is there, too. I would never give up being the Paladin to become the Dark Knight again..."

"...but?"

Cecil smiled grimly. "...but, though the skills are no longer mine, I am still the Dark Knight, too. He dwells within me, and I must still master my own darker impulses. The light my father gave me didn't change me – it didn't destroy the darkness within me. It merely gives me a tool to fight it with. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, actually, it does." Kain dropped his head, considering his next words for a long moment. "It makes it easier for me to think that I – might be able to do the same thing – master the darkness within. If the light that made you the Paladin had destroyed it, if your redemption had come by such entirely mystical means, there would be no hope for me. I'm just a man. A very skilled man, of course!" Kain grinned, an echo of his cocky arrogance from before coloring his tone. "But, just a man. A lesser man, than you," he added in a low tone. Cecil heard it anyway.

"Hmm." He regarded his friend with a level, understanding gaze. "Brooding does not suit you, Kain, my friend."

Cecil beckoned the guardsman to return. The young man nearly tripped over his own feet, and over the edge of the rope and wood slat bridge he was crossing, in his haste to follow the command. Once he had safely crossed, he started stammering attempted apologies – ones he'd obviously been practicing while he waited. Cecil paused patiently for the guardsman to run out of breath and stop.

"Your name?" Cecil carefully did not add any demeaning epitaph, though he was upset that the young man had fired such a dangerous arrow at his friend.

"Lance, my liege."

A smile played about Cecil's lips, and danced in his eyes as he locked his gaze on his friend. If he had any misgivings about this plan before, they were laid to rest, now.

"Lance, I admit I am highly upset by your actions. I release you from your guardsman's vow to me–" Cecil made a quelling motion to stop Lance's immediate distressed protest. "–to give you a chance to atone for your hasty and unchivalrous action – firing upon an unaware foe. It is the only way to earn my trust."

"I will do anything, my lord!" Lance seemed genuinely distressed by this turn of events. "No matter how demeaning the task, I will take it to gain your trust again!"

"Even clean the latrines back at the castle barracks?" Kain asked nonchalantly. That had been the notorious, absolutely worst possible punishment since before he and Cecil had been adopted by the previous king. Lance blanched, but nodded uncertainly.

It was obvious that Lance was uncomfortable around Kain. Cecil knew there were whispers among his men about Kain's loyalty. The actions Kain had taken while under Golbez's control were known outside the group who had adventured with Cecil, and some of the guardsmen were critical of the dragoon because of them. In a way, Kain's self-exile helped Cecil for he would not have considered demoting or removing his friend from his position as the leader of the Royal Dragoons – and the dragoons' primary task was the protection of the castle in general, and the king in particular. Some of the soldiers might consider Kain unworthy of the task or the honor, given what he had done while Golbez commanded his actions. Cecil, of course, did not share their misgivings.

"Kain is my best friend and his well-being is infinitely precious to me. That you were able to approach so close while we sparred, near enough to launch an attack at him, an attack he might not have been aware to defend himself against in time, has me concerned. Kain has chosen to remain here – on the very summit where I myself was able to cast off the dark armor and fearsome skills of the Dark Knight – while he trains. It is important for you to realize that Kain remains away from Baron of his own will – the gates are always open to him. I trust that someday, he will return – and I welcome that day."

Lance looks at Kain with new regard, and slightly less hostile eyes.

"Until that day, I would ask you, as a personal favor, to safeguard Kain's back for me. I must take up the task of kingship. Kain also has the misguided notion that, due to actions not completely under his control, he's 'not worthy'. These two things conspire to keep me from my friend's side – where I would gladly remain to help him through his ordeal. It falls to you, young Lance, to accept this task in my stead. Give me your word that you will guard Kain to the best of your ability, follow any of his orders as if they came from me, and be ready to serve as our messenger if there is ever a need – and I will forget that the arrow you shot at my friend spilled my blood, instead." Cecil pinned the guardsman with a fierce gaze.

Kain regarded his friend with a new and slightly grudging respect. Having absented himself from court, he hadn't had a chance to see Cecil the king in action. When Cecil turned all icily formal, he was a force to be reckoned with.

Lance stared at Cecil with horrified eyes. It had happened so quickly, then the youth sent away before Cecil's injury had barely registered in his mind. Easily read in his expressive eyes were his awareness that he'd done something wrong, very wrong, and his genuine contrition for his actions, but since Cecil had healed himself outside of Lance's direct sight he had all but forgotten the arrow he'd shot at the dragoon had found its mark in the Paladin instead.

"My lord, I should be – I should be – put to death for injuring you!" Lance threw himself to his hands and knees upon the ground.

"It is a green guardian I leave you in the care of," Cecil warned his friend, smiling slightly into Kain's eyes before looking down at the distraught guardsman.

Kain knew exactly what Cecil was doing, then. Cagey paladin – giving Kain the charge of – excuse him, _into_ the charge of – a young man suffering the very same affliction he was. Kain knew that Cecil had already forgiven the young guard – forgiven him even before sending him to sit on the other side of the bridge – even as the arrow tore into his shoulder. Even as Cecil had already forgiven _him_.

"Your forgiveness will be the death of you," Kain warned in a low voice.

"Which is why I need you to refine your – whatever you believe needs to be refined – and come home, again. Someone has to guard me from–"

"–from yourself, it seems like," Kain growled. Cecil smiled at him before kneeling next to Lance. He waited for the young man to gather his courage enough to lift his head and look at him. Once he did, Cecil nodded gravely at him, set a firm, yet gentle hand under his elbow, and stood up, bringing Lance up to stand before him.

"I doubt this one will set hand to a bow again any time soon. I believe training him in a new combat style would be in order – that is, if you have the inclination," Cecil noted to his friend.

"As you wish, 'my liege'," Kain let mocking drip off the title as he bowed sloppily in Cecil's general direction.

Cecil was unperturbed. "He seems suited for it, to my eyes." Only then did Kain really look at the young man. Tall, thin, light, but not weak. He certainly had the physical make-up of a dragoon. "Perhaps, when you return to Baron, you will indulge me and teach me some of your airborne combat skills as well."

"Perhaps." Kain allowed before realizing he'd been lured into going along with Cecil's assumption that his return to Baron was inevitable. He scowled at the realization, and his scowl deepened when Cecil grinned impishly at him, unerringly following the direction of his thoughts.

"Well, then. I suppose it is time for me to take my leave. Lance, will I be disappointed if I leave Kain's safety in your care?"

"No, my king. I will give my own life to save his!"

"I would prefer for you and Kain to share in a victory over any who would threaten you. I wish for you to return to Baron as well, Lance," Cecil replied mildly. "You'll see to it, Kain?"

Kain glared at Cecil, not willing to commit to in words to what he was already suspecting would happen in his heart. Yeah, dammit. He'd return to Baron. Probably sooner than he expected. He was not going to admit it to Cecil, though.

Fortunately, the Paladin didn't push the point. He smiled and nodded toward each, turned, and started on the path that lead down from the summit of the mountain.

* * *

"I–I got too excited – when I saw you fighting with the king. I know I should have waited for the command to loose the arrow at you..." Lance gulped as Kain glared at him. At least, he assumed that's what the dragoon was doing. It was impossible to tell, since Kain wore his dragon-shaped helm and had the visor down across his eyes. "I'm not trying to make excuses..."

"Then don't." Kain's voice was flat and final.

_Yeah, he's pissed at me, for sure!_ "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"A warrior – a dragoon – never apologizes for his actions in battle."

Realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere with his apology, Lance dropped his head. He miss-stepped badly with King Cecil. Somehow or another watching over, or being trained by, or guarding, or otherwise helping Kain was the only way to win back his place in the castle guard. He just didn't know how he could manage it if Kain was so dead-set on being hostile at him. Of course, he _had_ fired an arrow at the dragoon, so the hostility was natural.

Kain sighed, as if making up his mind about a difficult decision. "Sit," he commanded, pointing toward a grouping of rocks. Lance obeyed, hearing a note of resignation in Kain's voice. Kain surprised him by sitting on a rock across from him and removing his helmet. It didn't reassure him that much to not be staring at the stylized armored dragon's eyes – the dragoon's gaze was nearly as piercing.

"For reasons I will keep to myself, there was – is – a weakness in me that Golbez, curse him, was able to sense, and use. More than once he took my will away from me, and used me against my friends – especially Cecil. Cecil is like a brother to me. Though we were born to different parents, as orphans we shared the same foster father – King Baron. That my–my jealousy makes me weak enough to be used as a weapon against his is more than I can bear." Kain vaulted up from his rock to pace back and forth in agitation as he went on. "I have no right, now that the enemy is defeated, and peace has returned, to stand by his side. Not like I am now. Not while this weakness still rules in my heart."

Kain stopped his pacing and looked toward the markers that surrounded the mystic entrance to the Sanctuary of Light. "Cecil faced his darkest self here, on Mount Ordeals. He found the strength to cast off his darkness and embrace the light. I hope, that if I train long enough, and hard enough, if I hone my skills to their finest edge, if I reach as firmly as I know how for the utmost perfection of the dragoon arts – I will surpass my father. If I can do that, I am sure I will be strong enough to master the selfish, jealous impulses that made me vulnerable to Golbez's influence. Then, and only then, will I be worthy of returning to Baron, and taking up again the task of guarding the king." Kain paused and looked at Lance, as if remembering that he had an audience. "That is the whole of it. The task Cecil placed on you revolves around a weak, broken warrior."

Lance didn't know that Kain had not been in full command of his actions when he had betrayed his friends. It put an entirely new spin on everything – that Kain regretted his actions, and now tried to strengthen himself beyond the weakness that made his vulnerable. It was easy to see the pain that Kain was in over the whole situation. Lance realized that his mistaken attack on the king had only a tiny weight compared to the grief that Kain struggled with. In that moment he recognized what Cecil had done – using his unfortunate attack to place him here – yes, as a punishment for attacking Kain and wounding Cecil, but mostly so he could get to learn about Kain for himself, rather than from whispered rumors. Why his understanding of the dragoon mattered to the king was a mystery.

Lance dropped the dragoon's gaze when he found his entire view of Kain flipping upside down in an instant. Lance nearly worshiped Cecil, and had been horrified that he had hurt the Paladin. It occurred to him fully what Cecil had told him, and shown him by his actions – Kain was Cecil's friend. Cecil did not fault Kain for what he had done, and still regarded the dragoon as his best friend. Given that the one he admired so much claimed Kain as his friend, despite the betrayals, made Lance reconsider his opinion of the dragoon. Finally, the self-exile Kain forced upon himself, made Lance realize that Kain was truly contrite for his past actions – and wished to hone himself into a better person. He started to get an inkling as to why Cecil considered Kain a friend.

That being the case, placing Lance as Kain's guard, so that Kain couldn't be taken unaware again meant... meant that he... meant that the king... He looked up with startled eyes at his realization to discover the dragoon watching him intently.

"Figured it out, huh?" Kain smiled lopsidedly at him. "You can go back to Baron if you want. Cecil's forgiven you. He'd understand."

Lance regarded the dragoon with what he thought might be something like Cecil's regard. The seasoned warrior's pose was relaxed, his tone of voice, light, well, as light as Kain's surprisingly deep voice could be – but there was a hint of shadowed pain in his eyes. Lance finally realized that Cecil had intended for this 'punishment' to achieve many things – help him to see Kain in a different light, sure. Give another set of at least partially trained eyes to protect the dragoon's safety and privacy during his self-imposed exile, too. But also – also give Kain someone to talk to. Someone to worry about, other than himself. Someone to draw him out – away from useless brooding. Someone who might come to trust him – and perhaps, someone he could come to trust in turn. Someone – not Cecil – which Lance suddenly realized must be a source of pain to the Paladin. The past between the two friends was somehow placing a distance between them, now. Lance, untroubled by that past, could serve in Cecil's place, at least somewhat, until Kain was ready to return to Baron.

The only thing he couldn't figure out is why the king had picked _him_ – especially given that he had injured him while attacking Kain. He hadn't realized he voiced his wonder aloud, until Kain's low tones answered him.

"He's always been – impulsively generous – in how he judges people. I'm sure he found a way to have a brief conversation with each of you on the way here." Lance nodded, his mouth slightly open in his surprise that Kain was right. "You probably shouldn't have figured it out so fast, but, out of all the guardsmen Cecil met today, you were the only one he thought could handle – this." Kain spread his hands wide to indicate the summit of Mount Ordeals and thus imply the ordeal he was putting himself through. "He's acting like he's levying some punishment on you for attacking me, but... You are the only one he trusted out of all of the soldiers to follow his command. To stay here with me and – not attack me in my sleep – I'm guessing."

Lance digested that. "He's very – kind. Is it – because he's the Paladin?" Lance asked.

Kain considered for a long moment. "No, he was like that before – even when he was the Dark Knight." He shrugged. "It's because he's Cecil. Because he's become a truly royal pain in my ass." Kain snorted at Lance's involuntary and automatic gasp. "Are you hungry? Sparring our mild-mannered king is hungry work!"

Lance wondered how well he could possibly get along with the moody dragoon. His attitude toward their king, and his own best friend, shocked him. Kain seemed to have no respect at all for Cecil. But... Cecil had only smiled when Kain had said similar things to his face. And, Cecil's smile reached into his eyes, or started there – it hadn't been a false smile.

_I guess this is one of those 'gray areas' mom used to tell me about, _Lance thought. _She always did warn me that looking at things in only black and white was blinding me to the truth. Perhaps she was right._ Thinking of his mother reminded Lance that she, and his father, were now dead. Except for his brother, he was alone in the world. He knew that Jasper would be okay, his little brother knew to tell the nice neighbor lady if he didn't come home so he would be taken care of until Lance returned, but, he couldn't help feeling as though he were letting Jasper down.

* * *

"Tell me about yourself."

The king's mild blue eyes seemed to pierce through to his heart. The effect still had the power to shock him, even though he'd felt it before. Indeed, it was this very gaze that helped him to realize that King Cecil, the Paladin, had also once been the scary Dark Knight with the oddly kind eyes.

"You probably don't remember me..."

"Oh, but I do." Cecil smiled at the boy. "You seem to have been one of the very few who was able to see the true me under the dark armor I had once been forced to carry."

"You were so tall! And big! And dark, and scary! But... You had kind eyes. That is, when they weren't covered by your visor. I was afraid, but not really, if that makes any sense." The boy smiled up at the king. They were seated in Cecil's throne room, but not in chairs. Nor was Cecil upon his throne. He'd opted to sit on a step leading up to the throne, and had invited the boy to sit next to him. "Later, I thought perhaps he had been killed. It wasn't until you came back to Baron City again that I realized you _were_ that Dark Knight. I wish I..." Cecil's smile deepened at the hero worship shining so brightly in this child's eyes.

He had a tricky situation on his hands. He'd learned from the captain on the way back that Lance, the young man he'd left with Kain, had a younger brother back in Baron – and that the boys had only recently been orphaned. Lance was old enough, just barely, Cecil judged, to take care of himself, but the young guardsman should not have the burden of caring for a younger sibling all on his own. So, upon his return, Cecil had commanded Lance's brother be found, and brought to him as soon as possible. He was surprised, but not upset, to recognize the youngster who had thought the Dark Knight was scary – but kind, later worried that the Dark Knight didn't come around anymore, and finally realized that Cecil the Paladin had once been that 'scary, but kind' Dark Knight. It made his decision seem all the more likely to succeed.

"Do you remember my friend, Kain?"

"He's the cool dragoon who was always with you, right?"

"What a good memory you have, –?" Cecil only then realized he didn't know the boy's name.

"Jasper, my lord." The boy tried to bow, even though they were sitting. Cecil gestured for him to not worry about it.

"Well met, Jasper. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. My friend Kain is going to be away from Baron for a while. I didn't want him to be alone, and I thought your brother, Lance, would be the perfect person to keep him company."

"Oh." Some of Jasper's happy mood seemed to leave him. Petunia, the lady who lived next door, was nice enough, but she was _old_. She didn't like loud noises. She didn't like pets. She didn't much like little boys, but she did promised Lance that if anything happened to him, she'd look after Jasper.

"Now, I have heard that you and Lance have been living by yourselves... Did you know, young Jasper, that both Kain and I were orphans, too?" Cecil nodded at the boy's incredulous look. "King Baron took us in and raised us. I wanted nothing more than to become a splendid knight, just like my king." Cecil lost himself in a moment of thought, fondly remembering the strict, but fair, and under it all, kind, king who had raised him as his own son. He deeply regretted that King Baron had been murdered, and promised his former king's spirit daily that he would try to take care of and govern the people of Baron with all of his skill and compassion, in memory of the king who had taken him in.

A touch on his hand broke his reverie. "But – that's what you did. You are a very splendid knight!"

"It is kind of you to think so," Cecil replied. "But, before I became a knight, do you know what I was?" Jasper shook his head. "I had been a squire. Before that, when I was younger, about your age, as a matter of fact, I had been a page. I was permitted to be the king's page. I had duties I had to complete each day, and lessons I had to learn, but..." Cecil watched Jasper's face very carefully. He carefully did not smile, affecting as close to the scowl that King Baron would sometimes wear as he could manage.

The boy's head darted up, and he stared at Cecil's eyes, undaunted by the scowl. Hope and fear waged war with each other in the boy's gaze. Cecil nodded his head once, very slowly, but very deliberately.

"Really?" Jasper's question ended on a squeak.

"Really – if you want. There are duties, chores, and lessons... Ooof!" Cecil's arms closed automatically around the shoulders of the boy who had thrown himself into the Paladin's lap to hug him around the waist.

"_Your_ page, right?" Jasper's voice was muffled against Cecil's shoulder.

"Of course, though some of your duties will be to help my lovely queen. And, if you've the wish, when you grow older, you will be my squire as well. At that time, I would teach you as King Baron taught me, how to use the sword, shield, and lance – and the ways of the knight."

"Could I be – a paladin?" Jasper asked in a whisper.

Cecil smiled. _What a lofty goal for one so young._ Still, there was something very bright in this child's soul. "Perhaps. It is not for me to grant. The light falls on those who are worthy." Seeing how the boy's demeanor dimmed Cecil hastened to add, "It is not for me to deny, either. I will teach you, when you are old enough, everything I know about being a knight. Perhaps the light will shine upon you, as it shines upon me. I don't think anything says there must be only one paladin."

Cecil placed the boy on his own two feet in front of him, then rose to his own feet. He reached a hand toward his new page. "For now, we should introduce you to the Captain of the Guard, and see if my old room from when I was King Baron's page might suit for you." Jasper grinned up at him, evidently delighted by the thought.

* * *

It was only a week later that The Event happened. Lance always thought of it that way, in capital letters. He knew, by then, that he wanted to be a dragoon. Well, in his heart of hearts he wanted to be a paladin, but he knew he didn't have what it took to attain that sublime position. Honestly, he would never have thought to train to be a dragoon, either, if not for King Cecil's observations. Lord Kain evidently agreed with his friend's suggestion, for he had started training Lance the very next day.

Lance had also realized before The Event that Lord Kain was just as noble and worthy of his regard as King Cecil was. That Lord Kain was being so pigheadedly blind about it would undoubtedly make him crazy – once his training was complete. For now, he was more than content to have the most skillful dragoon as his one-on-one instructor in the hard-to-master battle technique. He'd do what he could to help Lord Kain see that he was good, and noble, and honorable, and whatever else damn quality the stubborn dragoon thought he was lacking so that they could both return to Baron as soon as possible. No, that wasn't the real reason. He wanted Lord Kain to see these qualities in himself, firstly because they _were_ there, and secondly so that the angst-filled dragoon could forgive himself and return to his friends.

The Event did a lot to throw a monkey-wrench into the young guardsman's plans.

It was the quiet night of the month, though it should really be called the dark of the month, since both moons were in their new phase and shedding no light upon the planet below. Kain and Lance had trained hard that day, and there had been no sign of anyone near Mount Ordeals, so Kain deemed it safe enough for both of them to sleep and not bother with setting watches. None of the monsters of Mount Ordeals came anywhere near the hallowed summit. In all honesty, the only attack Kain had suffered his whole time here had been Lance's, so he was near to dispensing with the idea of keeping watch altogether.

In the darkest hour of the darkest night of the month, Kain dreamed.

In his dream, Golbez, in his customary massive, black armor, walked away from him. Kain watched curiously as the Dark Sorcerer paused, and oddly enough turned around. The armor disappeared, as Kain had witnessed once before, when Golbez had revealed a smiling, child-like appearance to Cecil in response to the Paladin calling him 'brother'. Golbez had decided to stay with his uncle on the smaller moon, and enter the great Lunarian sleep. Kain had been relieved that Cecil had opted to return to the Blue Planet, instead of entering the sleep of his father's people – which had been his right, too. This time, though, Golbez's unarmored appearance was different.

The man revealed was slight of build, and possessed a strangely pale coloring, even as Cecil did. Where Cecil's hair was an unearthly silvery-white, Golbez's appeared to be a soft, tawny brown. Kain didn't have a chance to make any other observations before his gaze was met and trapped by earnest, light purple eyes.

Golbez's voice reverberated in a half-familiar way through his mind. "Forgive me, Kain – or at least, forgive yourself, and Cecil. Let me carry the onus and guilt of your actions away with me to the stars." Golbez looked down, releasing the dragoon from his compelling gaze. "You will never see me or sense my presence again. Farewell."

"Like hell!" Kain sprang up from his bedroll, dashed out of the tent, and shouted his denial up at the night sky. "Stay out of my head, in fact, I demand that you do, but I won't rest until I've kicked your butt!"

There was no answer in words. Somehow the dragoon knew where to cast his gaze up at the nighttime sky to watch the smaller of the two moons, while in its nearly invisible new moon phase, move in a distinctly un-moon-like way, and leave its place orbiting the planet.

"Get back here, Golbez! You can't just run off like this! There is unfinished business between us! Coward!" Kain shook his fists up at the dark and now more moonless sky. It took a very shaken Lance nearly an hour to get Kain to stop ranting and calm down enough to tell him what had happened. Neither one, the dragoon or his pupil in training, believed it was just a simple dream. If they needed proof, they had only to look up into the sky to the side of the big moon, where normally the smaller moon kept it company, and take note of its absence.

Kain slumped to his knees. "If I don't beat him, how will I ever know that I've conquered my weakness?" he asked brokenly.

Lance had no answer for the troubled dragoon.

~the end~

**Author's Note:**

> The story is complete, even though Kain's dilemma is unresolved. After discovering FFIV on the DS (I completed it back in the day on the SNES system, when it was known as FFII), and Dissidia for the PSP, a whole new crew of muses have taken up insistent residence in my mind. Though not a direct sequel, Kain's dilemma should be resolved in my next FFIV story.
> 
> While Lance is entirely my creation, serving as a way for us to find out more about Kain and why he remained at Mount Ordeals without resorting to graceless info-dumping – his younger brother, Jasper, is based upon someone in the game. Whenever Cecil found himself in the city near Baron Castle, and spoke with the townsfolk, one kid always caught my attention. If memory serves, in the original game, he thought the Dark Knight was cool, but scary. His dialogue has changed in the DS incarnation of the game, but the spirit behind it is still the same. The boy was frightened of the Dark Knight but judged that he wasn't actually mean when Cecil was the Dark Knight, wondered what happened to the Dark Knight who used to come around and hoped he wasn't actually dead as the townspeople claimed when Cecil returns as the Paladin, and recognizes that Paladin Cecil actually is (or rather, had been) that very same Dark Knight a bit later on. I haven't completed the replay of the game on the DS, so I'm not certain if his dialogue changes yet again.
> 
> The sparring match between Cecil and Kain served two purposes. First, it gave some much needed action to this story filled with lots of talk and interior thought sequences. Second, it permits me a chance to lay the groundwork as to why Cecil uses a lance instead of a sword, and relies on his Dark Knight form and abilities so much in Dissidia for the story I've got in the works for _that_ fandom.
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the story. Helpful comments and constructive criticism, through either the review system or privately via PM, are encouraged and appreciated.


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